Simply Embarrassing

As I stated last Friday, I made the five and a half hour trip to Iowa City with four Hawkeye fans to see the Gophers lay the biggest egg in history. The Hawks won 52-28 and it wasn't even that close. I'm still trying to decide what the most embarrassing moment of the day was. It was either when the Gophers elected to try an on-sides kick and then had their kicker kick the ball into the stands on the fly, or when they trailed 35-0 and Iowa was marching for more points when a Gopher defensive back deflected an Iowa pass and proceeded to celebrate by signaling an incomplete pass. So another 7-4 season and another trip to the Music City Bowl appears to be in the cards. It's safe to say Glen Mason has mastered the art of coaching a slightly above average team to a slightly above average season.

Off To Iowa City

I'm leaving the promise land Friday night and heading south for Iowa to catch the tussle between the Gophers and Hawkeyes at Kinnick Stadium. I'll be sitting with four passionate and lifelong Hawkeye fans so it should be fun as long as the Gophers don't get their butts handed to them. Here's to hoping Laurence Maroney goes for 250 yards and three scores.

The Black Coach

Tonight ESPN's Outside The Lines show attempted to tackle the touchy issue of the lack of black coaches in Division I college football. While I completely agree that it is ridiculous that black coaches are rarely given the chance to become head coaches in the NCAA, I disagree with an argument put forth by analyst Mark May.

May argues that the NCAA should discipline schools who don't include an African American as a final candidate. I simply disagree with this because I don't think you can tell an Athletic Director or a CEO for that matter who to hire for a certain position when it's their ass on the line.

Besides did any African American coach really want to be the guy who the Detriot Lions brought in for an "interview" when everybody knew they were going to hire Steve Mariucci?

Christians For Torture

Katherine Kersten - The Star Tribune's token Bible-based right wing columnist - has a peculiar piece hitting the presses on Thursday. Kersten doesn't blatently advocate that torturing Al-Queda detainees is A-OK with her, but she doesn't seem to be particularly bothered with the country's current tactics like sleep deprivation, manipulating the temperature in prison cells and regulating diets to make prisoners more vulnerable.

For someone who speaks with her Christian principles in mind so often, I'm shocked with Kersten's view on this issue. I'd like Kersten to point out the passage in the Bible that condones the current practices by the Bush Administration toward Al-Queda prisoners.

America's Next Top Model

Terrible.

Can You Say Fluke Win?

Well I've had a day to sit on the Vikings unfathomable 24-21 victory over the New York Giants and I can't say I am any more optimistic about the club than I was two weeks ago. Yes the defense is playing better and yes Brad Johnson is not making the number of mistakes Daunte Culpepper was, but the biggest problem this team has still exists and that is that the offensive line is terrible. Terrible. Tice apparently thought that because they were able to run the ball against the woeful Detroit Lions that they would be able to run the ball against the Michael Strahan and company. Ah....no. Johnson rarely has time to set his feet to throw the ball and there are no holes for the running backs to run through. Tice keeps rotating people in and out like Goldberg and Fowler and Withrow trying to find answers and there are just none there. For the Vikings to have a chance at winning the NFC North I still think they have to win next week at Green Bay and the Bears have to lose at home at Carolina.

Oh No! It's Snow!

All three major local news stations led off Sunday's 10pm newscast with a story about a "snow storm" that was scheduled to hit the Twin Cities on Tuesday afternoon. The forecast then was for 3-5 inches of the snow to hit the metro area. Now tonight the stations again led with the weather, but now they are predicting more rain than snow. I will never understand why something like this is considered a major story in this state. Three inches of snow is not unusual. Why is it leading the news?

Pat Robertson's Big Mouth

Well it had been a month or so since Robertson had said something where it was necessary for him to issue an apology the next day so he went and opened his big dumb mouth again. Robertson told residents of Dover, Pennsylvania that it is likely a disaster is coming their way after they refused to elect eight school board members who were in favor of intelligent design. Robertson told them that when the disaster comes to not turn to God because they have kicked God out of their town. Pat is a prime example of a Christian who is willing to say anything to make a point that they forget some of the basic principles of Christianity. God is not vengeful. God is forgiving. Forgiveness is one of the pillars of Christianity. Plus, what about those residents in Dover who did vote for pro-intelligent design candidates. Do they just get clumped together with the rest of the town? For someone who loves God so much, Pat Robertson really under estimates God's intelligence.

Bill O'Reilly's Big Mouth

Yeah Bill was at it too with the old open mouth, insert foot trick. After residents in San Francisco passed a measure that would limit the ability of millitary recruiters to approach high school and college students, O'Reilly basically wished an Al-Queda attack on the city. He said that the rest of the country is off limits, but if Al-Queda wants to attack San Francisco the United States wouldn't mind. What an ass-hole.

Pastors Gather To Preach Hate

About 250 pastors from around Minnesota gathered at Grace Church in Eden Prairie today to strategize in favor of a state ban on gay marriage. My favorite quote comes from a Wichita, Kansas pastor named Terry Fox who helped get a ban on gay marriage passed in his state. Fox says, "We came to the realization that our culture was going to hell. We couldn't even believe we had to have a debate about marriage being between one man and one woman." So Terry says it pretty plain and clear right there. All that is wrong with our world today is because of the gays. The queers. The fags. It's all their fault. Other things like drugs, broken families caused by adultery, crime and the participation in an unjustified war don't even enter into the equation according to Terry. What a brilliant mind Terry must have. So what I'm wondering is what island is available to ship all the gays to so our culture can begin to exit the depths of hell?

The Beginning Of The End For Republicans?

Republicans have fared quite well nationwide in recent elections, but I'll point to the St. Paul mayoral race to hint that things might be about to change. Incumbent Randy Kelly was defeated by a wide margin (69-31%) by challenger Chris Coleman. Support for Kelly took a tumble almost immediately after he endorsed George Bush in the 2004 presidential election. Polls in Minnesota have also hinted the republican governor Tim Pawlenty will have a hard time retaining his position in 2006 when either Steve Kelley or Mike Hatch opposes him. Now the dems need to find an electable candidate for the 2008 election and I don't think that person is Hillary Clinton.

Too Late Terrell

Look who comes crying back to the media with an attempt at a sincere apology just after he discovers that he might lose four game checks for conduct detrimental to the team. That's right Terrell Owens made a lame attempt to make up for his shortcomings as a team player, but the Eagles said no, no, no Terrell. Sorry Terrell, even your weasel of an agent can't pull you out of this mess.

Stop The Presses!

Steve Phillips is about to take the podium at the simulated Chicago Cubs press conference! Where's my remote.

Katherine "The Liar" Kersten

The Star Tribune was forced to print a correction after their crackpot right wing columnist spouted off about gay marraige in Canada. It's tough to write a good column when you have to get your facts straight isn't it Katherine?

See Ya Terrell

Terrell Owens is done for the season according to Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid. What a great move and one that not many professional teams have made throughout the course of history. Any dividends that Owens was giving the Eagles on the field were clearly being outweighed by the distractions he was causing off the field. What I find satisfying is that Owens has clearly wasted his best opportunity to win a Super Bowl ring. I think contending teams in the NFL will think twice now before signing the problem child to a long term deal.

We Put The Fun In Disfuctional Continued

Yeah it's sweeps week and the local news stations continue to dig for the big story. Just days after channel 5 was criticized for digging in a dumpster for trash left behind by Viking players, channel 9 goes undercover to expose underage Gopher hockey players who were drinking at a campus bar. Hundreds of viewers have responded with their displeasure to channel 9 for running the story. I think its news, but not the way channel 9 presented it. Any news station could follow members of any division I athletic team for two months and get footage of some member of the team drinking underage. It's not really an earth shattering report in my opinion.

The Further Decline Of Sports Center

As I was clicking around the television tonight I stopped on Sports Center to find ESPN running a simulated press conference. Steve Phillips was up at a podium with the Red Sox logo behind him while Jeremy Schaap and the like asked him questions like what will happen with Manny Ramirez and will you try to acquire Paul Konerko. This is a show that doesn't even report the actual news very well anymore and now they are wasting five to ten minutes on a simulated press conference? They apparently will do the same thing with the Yankees as the team in question on Monday. I really hope they don't plan on doing this for every team in MLB. Then I really won't watch Sports Center.

The Old Money Potion Trick

A man in Savage, Minnesota apparently ripped off a Coon Rapids grocery store manager for $70,000. How did he do it? He convinced the manager that he had a potion that would turn paper into money. I don't know whether to be more outraged at the criminal for trying something so low or at the grocery store manager for being so stupid.

We Put The Fun In Disfunctional

What an absolute bizarre week in the Minneapolis/St. Paul sports scene. I know, you're asking how could it get more bizarre than a sex cruise, right?

In the middle of the week KFAN personality Dan Barreiro absolutely laid into WCCO Radio (a competing station) host Mike Max. Max and basically all of the employees at WCCO are sort of known for being homers who don't really like to ask the tough questions. Everybody in Minnesota pretty much takes this for granted, but it came to a head this week after a question and answer series with Timberwolves star Kevin Garnett and Barreiro couldn't help himself.

Star Tribune beat writer Steve Aschburner started questioning Garnett about missing a team function, which Garnett never does. There is chatter in the Twin Cities that if the Wolves don't turn things around soon that Garnett is going to get antsy and want to head elsewhere. Aschburner asked Garnett if he missed the team function as a way of making a statement, much like former Wolves Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell did last year.

After Garnett said it was just a scheduling conflict, Max told Garnett that he "cringed" when he heard Aschburner ask Garnett the question. Barreiro responded on his radio show by calling Max a suck up who would be laughed out of the media if he worked in cities like New York, Boston or Chicago. Barreiro went on to say that Max is the type of media guy who would do an hour show from Gophers football coach Glen Mason's kitchen and not even approach the subject of a recent Gophers loss. Barreiro concluded by basically saying that Max has no business being in the business which I tend to agree with.

The second unthinkable media story this week deals with KSTP Channel 5. Since the Vikings alleged sex cruise, there has been about a two week period without any new information about the event. So channel 5 appears to have tried to create some news by following up on a tip from the general public.

Somebody saw Viking's Bryant McKinnie and Mewelde Moore dump several trashbags into a construction site dumpster. So channel 5 drove to the dumpster and sifted through the trash (I would have paid money by the way to see Rob Leer wading through garbage bags) and pulled out several interesting items. Among the things found were a list of female names, a liquor receipt with McKinnie's credit card number and an apparent marijuana bud.

Channel 5 reported that one of the names on the list was Ayana, who they identified as Ayana Angel - a "prostitute with upper-class clientele" from Atlanta who has starred in XXX movies. First of all, who's defining upper class here? Secondly, channel five's attempt to link this garbage (both literally and figuratively) to the sex cruise without any evidence is unprofessional and sensationalistic in my opinion. How many Ayana's are there in the world? They were also very iffy on whether it was actually marijuana or not. What news station goes on the air with a report and says "well it might be marijuana that we found." So they go to all the trouble to sift through a dumpster, but couldn't find someone to verify if something was marijuana or not?

The kicker is that channel 5 is the Vikings broadcast partner and a corporate sponsor! They host a pre-game show before each Viking game and have Mike Tice live in studio every Sunday night. Vikings players have responded by saying they will now boycott channel 5 and no longer appear on any of the station's braodcasts.

Finally, it comes out today that Mr October - Reggie Jackson - wants to "buy" the Minnesota Twins. It's no secret that Jackson would likely try to move the team to Las Vegas. I guess it makes sense as I'm sure many people have conceived twins in Vegas.

So Sincere Terrell

Did everyone feel the deep sincerity in Terrell Owens voice today as he issued a three sentence apology for ripping his own quarterback again. I keep thinking how great it would be if the Eagles released Owens and no team offered to pick him up. I know it would never happen, but boy that would be great.

Early Bloomer

The man who interviewed Terrell Owens this week - Graham Bensinger - is 18 years old! The kid has his own radio show in St. Louis and is a regular contributor on ESPN.com. How depressing is this to me and fellow hard-working sports journalists trying to make it? Quite depressing. At 27 it makes me feel like a couch potato. Yeah, while Bensinger was rubbing shoulders with Owens, I was sitting in the glorius press box at Maple Grove High School covering a section final high school football game between the Crimson of Maple Grove and the mighty Trojans of Wayzata. Well at least I can shave!

Kelley For Governor

Over the last several years I've become much more interested (and aggrevated) with politics. I attribute this largely to George Bush and religious right conservatives who consistently anger me. So I've finally decided to become active in a political campaign. Next Tuesday I will begin volunteering for the Steve Kelley for Governor campaign. Kelley is a state senator from Minnetonka who is running largely on an education platform. He is strong supporter of public education and an opponent of No Child Left Behind and vouchers. Hopefully he can win the DFL endorsement over Minnesota Attorney General Mike Hatch and then defeat Republican Tim Pawlenty next November

T-Wolves Win Opener

The Timberwolves gave their new head coach his first win of his career tonight with a mediocre win over a bad Portland team. The Wolves won despite the fact that Garnett took only 13 shots, Trenton Hassell let Darius Miles go off and Michael Olowokandi still sucks. On a positive note, it looks like free agent pick up Richie Frahm will fill in nicely for the injured Fred Hoiberg who is out after having off season heart surgery. Frahm scored 18 points in just 15 minutes and went 5-6 from three point range.